I am the baby of three kids. While being the youngest definitely had its perks, I was younger than my sister by five years and kind of grew up not having a playmate or close sibling. I became part of a split family at a young age-when divorce was very taboo and didn’t happen to many families. So all I ever wanted to be when I grew up was a Stay-at-home Mom and have a houseful of children. It was my dream to bake cakes all day and do fun things with my kids, like go to story time and craft all day. And I wanted an even number of kids! I could have two or four, but not three, because I wanted all of my kids to have a buddy to grow up with.
An interesting childhood led me to “run away” to the military. It was there that I felt stuck, but also where I met my amazing husband. We married very quickly after we met and had a rough first year. But we got through that and started a family. When my daughter was born I felt this CRAZY love that I felt was so strong there is no way this universe could support other mothers feeling the way I felt about her. Once I realized that the military was not going to support my desire to raise my own children or allow my husband and I to actually be on the same continent, I started the push to be a SAHM.
We lost a baby at 16 weeks and I got pregnant again with our incredible son before I was finally able to start living my dream. Only then we needed more money because we went from two full-time incomes to one income and my husband was making less by following his own dream of becoming a Fireman. So I went back to work as a Realtor. I did get to spend some time at home, but it was mainly stressful and we certainly hated not getting paid for months while I worked my ever-lovin’ behind off.
We lost another baby at 16 weeks, then I got pregnant again with our third (and last) beautiful baby girl. My husband got a job at a bigger fire department with better pay, so we picked up and moved to Texas. We absolutely love it here, and the kids are thriving. I am a mother to three (and only three) because I’m not getting any younger and didn’t want to risk another loss. But also because this mothering thing is NOT what I expected. Do I love it? YOU BETCHA! Is it wayyyyyyyy harder than I thought? HECK TO THE YES!! Half the time I feel like a total failure. But those sweet comments of “Mommy, I love you” make every moment worth it.
As amazing as it is to live my dream of staying home with my kids and now volunteering at their school (how precious is it that they are so excited to see you in their element), I do miss being productive and a complete bomb A woman getting stuff done on the reg, know what I mean? While I completely respect Moms who continue to work after babies just as much as I respect Moms who stay home, I really am one of those who wants it both ways. So I work from home, and am working on finding more pockets of time to be truly productive because I am not one of those women who is so driven I know exactly what needs to be done at what time in order to shoot from $0 to $5 gazillion in no time. I am a real mom who just wants the to shoot for the moon and land in the stars.
What I truly want is to help those of you who follow me to be able to laugh with me, cry with me, celebrate successes, and see the joy in life. Life is an incredible and amazing journey, but we have to focus on what is good in life and that can sometimes be hard. Especially if we feel like we are the only ones going through whatever it is we are going through. You are not alone, Mama. We are in this journey together.
Thanks so much for stopping by, and I look forward to getting to know you better. Feel free to reach out to me so we can connect! firstname.lastname@example.org